


Kissing Scars Better

by Nocticola



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: 4x8 Crush, Before the 4x8 Crush deleted scene, Cunnilingus, Episode: s01e12 Resurfacing, Episode: s02e03 Love Machine, Episode: s04e07 Lay Me Down, Episode: s05e07 Nowhere Man, F/M, I write so much about that it needs a tag, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post 4x7 Lay Me Down, Post 4x9 William, Post-Coital, Suicide Attempt, Wuornos family weekend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-04-04 20:44:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14028369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Prompt: Person A(Nathan)has scars on their back/shoulders (can be self harm, battle scars, etc.). One day A has their back exposed, and B (Audrey)hugs them from behind, kissing down A’s back. When A asks what B is doing, B replies “no one has ever kissed them better before, so I’m doing it now.”





	1. Nathan's scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic Art: https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/post/172240282163/kissing-scars-better-haven-post-4x7-lay-me-down

Audrey wakes up from her power nap. Nathan's arm is around her waist and it feels so good. They really should have done this ages ago. She turns to look at Nathan, hoping to wake him up so they can continue from where they left off earlier. Nathan is lying on his stomach, his upper back bare, looking more restful than she has seen him in ages. Her movements are not enough to quite rouse him from sleep but he does squeeze her waist and make a happy sigh, knowing she's still here.

She turns properly around, careful to not disturb his hand too much. She hasn't had the opportunity to see him like this before. She fights the urge to touch every inch of his exposed skin. Hopefully, she'll have time for that later. In Haven, with their lives, they can never be sure how much time they have. She shakes her head to free herself from those thoughts. They're here now.

She decides not to fight her exploration itch completely and moves closer to Nathan's body. She takes in his peaceful face, messy hair, the steady rise and fall of his back as he breathes. While she admires his back muscles, she can't help but notice some of his scars. Her eyes easily find the ones on his upper back from four nails in his back. She can't help the shudder that runs through her, thinking back to that, nails poking from his back, Nathan acting like it was no big deal. She hates the way he neglects his body. 

She ghosts her hand over his back, surprised yet not, to find some other, smaller, older scars there. Her curiosity is piqued, but she won't ask. They'll hopefully talk about these things one day.

She strokes her finger from one scar to another, before leaning over Nathan to kiss each of them in turn. When she leans back again, Nathan's eyes are open.

He looks sleepy, thoughtful, a slight smile on his face. He makes an appreciative sweep over her body with his eyes before turning to his side. His hand is still on her waist, pulling her closer to him again. His other hand tangles in her hair as he pulls her into a kiss.

When they break apart, Nathan whispers "I can't believe I can actually do that," against her lips.

Audrey giggles. She feels so carefree and happy for once. She doesn't want this life to end. She doesn't want real life to come back. So she pulls him back to hers, and they just lazily explore each others lips. They are in no rush, for now.

"What was that other kissing about?" Nathan asks later, when they are taking a breather. He looks so young and carefree like this. It breaks her heart to think what he's been through and yet he can be like this.

Audrey's hand finds these particular offending scars again, making squares again, touching each pucture wound scar. 

"When you got these, we weren't in a place where I could kiss them better. Now we are, and I can."

Nathan laughs again, delighted. "No one's kissed my booboos since I was twelve."

That reminds Audrey of the other scars she noticed. Should she ask? Maybe some other time. She suspects that way would lie badness she wants to ignore in this moment. Instead, she sits up on the bed. Nathan's eyes go a bit wide when he sees her naked body again. It makes her giggle again. But that's not what this is about. She bends her left knee so Nathan can see her left sole. 

Nathan gives her a quizzical look, and she hopes her foot isn't too smelly. But they're sharing scars, so. 

She pulls her finger over the scar at the sole of her foot, and Nathan finally gets the idea. He takes a hold of her foot, strokes the scar with his thump. Audrey laughs. She's very tickleish. Nathan chuckles at that, and starts to rub her foot instead. Mmm, that's nice. 

"I figured out that I was Lucy because of this scar. I helped James Garrick when he was a kid. His Troubles was kinda an invisible turning epilepsy. I held him *here*, a glass jar or something broke, and it cut my sole. I never really thought about it, where I got it, before Garrick mentioned it. It was just there." 

"That must have been scary. But I'm glad you didn't wait that long to tell me about it." 

"Well, you were busy helping Duke. And then everything else happened." *Everything*, meaning his fathers, and stolen memories, and death and pain. 

Nathan just nods. Clearly he doesn't want to talk about that. Then he smiles like he just had the best idea. 

"I'm not gonna kiss your foot. But I can think of other parts of you I'd like to kiss." 

"You do, do you?" Audrey asks seductively as she lays back on the bed. 

"Oh, yeah." Nathan's voice goes delightfully low. 

First, he kisses her ankle, and steadily his lips move up her legs, to her tighs and once he's had his taste of them, he finds his prize, her center, and Audrey *really* likes his thought process.

She moans and buries her hand in his hair, his hands holding her steady, as he eats her out like he's starving and she's something even better than pancakes. She repeats his name mindlessly as her orgasm approaches yet it drowns out into an incomprehensible scream as she comes.

Her eyes are still closed in ecstasy, yet she can feel his eyes on her, his head now a lovely weight on her stomach. She opens her eyes and is struck by the naked emotion in Nathan's eyes. He kisses her stomach, which flips in delight, before moving up her body to gather her in his arms, blanketing themselves again, whispering "I love you" in her ear before kissing her there.  
He sounds sleepy, although Audrey can tell one part of him that definitely isn't.

"What about--" Audrey tries to ask before she is silenced by Nathan's lips on hers.

"Maybe later." 

Nathan actually yawns, and it looks so cute but contagious, and Audrey must admit that she is tired now. She will definitely reciprocate, though. Later sounds good. They fall asleep, tangled together. Hopefully this only the first of their many nights together.


	2. Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic Art: https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/post/173332079528/kissing-scars-better-chapter-2-morning-after

The next morning, Audrey wakes up to Nathan nuzzling her should with his nose, gently touching her arms, feeling her skin the only way he can. It makes her feel cherished. She turns to look at Nathan and if she could wake up every morning like this, she would be a very happy woman. 

"Can I make you some pancakes?" Nathan asks and the morning is absolutely perfect. 

"I thought you'd never ask."

Nathan smiles so brightly and kisses her cheek briefly before getting up excitingly, finding his boxers and pants before making his way to her kitchen.

Audrey leans on her hand to stare at Nathan's back. Soon he disappears into her kitchen and Audrey bundles up within her blankets again while listening to Nathan looking through her cabinets for the right incredients.

Her mind turns melancholy for a moment, thinking back to their first attempt at this. A pancake date. Dinner or breakfast. Before she was kidnapped. It seems they've finally gotten to the right track.

After a while she gets up and does her own clothes hunting (a top and pyjama pants) and makes her way to the kitchen. Seeing Nathan concentrating so intently, whisping the batter, it's so domestic a part of her wants to squeal in delight. She's so happy they finally got here.

As she gets closer, she sees Nathan's gorgeous body, still marred by scars. Most of them invisible if you don't know how look. She slides her arms around Nathan's stomach and kisses the nail scars again. She doesn't mention this to Nathan, but she wants to kiss them again, try to make it better. She can't fix him, or his scars. But she can help him heal. The way he has helped heal her. She wants to give him all of her love. Nathan clearly reciprocates the feeling and for few minutes, they get to be as happy and normal as anyone else. Share kisses and jokes. 

Then the real world intrudes again.


	3. Other scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More scar revelations post-4x9 William (Wuornos family cabin weekend)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't initially plan on writing after the epilogue but then this got a subscription. And I was going to let that be at first, but then I was discussing Nathan and his mental issues with StorgeAgape and I decided to write this one. 
> 
> This is tonally very different from the first two which I wanted to keep fluffy, but since it does fit with the theme and timeline I decided to add this here instead of making it a separate fic.
> 
> cw:  
> Mentions of Self-harm, Suicide attempt, unhealthy coping mechanisms  
> Post-4x9 William  
> (If you've read my You Don't Have to Die fic, this is set after it https://archiveofourown.org/works/10903431/chapters/27139047)
> 
> Fic Art: https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/post/180146671983/kissing-scars-better-chapter-3-other-scars

Audrey really could get used to this life. Sex and pancakes and naps when they feel like it. Sometimes Nathan has good ideas. They have really needed something like this for ages. Especially now that Nathan doesn't have to die, and they're together, it's nice to just relax. Although her mind does occasionally go back to William and what he wants from her.

Nathan is still sleeping, and from this angle Audrey can see his Guard tattoo. They never really talked about him getting it. It was when everything was so fraught they couldn't talk about anything. She still thinks it's a mistake but she can't really tell Nathan how to express his Troubled-ness. She decides to look at it a little more closely when she finds something that makes her blood run cold. 

***

Nathan wakes up from a power nap to Audrey staring at his Guard tattoo. They never talked about it, and he definitely has mixed feelings about it. He knows Audrey wasn't happy about it. But there is something else in her face now than bad tattoo choices. He looks at her hands a little more closely and realizes what this is about.

"Oh. You found it." 'It' meaning a two and a half inch vertical scar on his right forearm, now hidden by the tattoo. Nathan vaguely wonders if it's her cop or nurse brain that realizes the implication first.

"Do you want to tell me?" Audrey asks in a whisper.

Nathan turns his eyes away from the tattoo and the scar and looks at her worried face. "Yeah," he says as quietly as she did.

Audrey leans over to lay on his chest, listening to him and his heartbeat. 

Nathan closes his eyes and starts talking.

"I was 15. I was an outsider at school. My Mom was dead and... Dad worked all the time and when he was home he practically ignored me. One Friday night I was making dinner for myself. I was cutting, maybe veggies for a salad and I started thinking... When I was sick, when I had my Trouble, Dad paid attention to me, you know."

Nathan pauses, and even though Audrey *knows* he's fine, he's here, she can hear his heartbeat and feel his chest rise with his breathing, she still dreads Nathan's continuation. 

"Anyway, I called the ambulance afterwards and told them and the Chief that it was an accident. Since I'm right-handed I guess they bought it more, because the angle and cutting my dominant hand seemed a bit weird. Whether Dad bought it or not, he accepted it. The hospital wanted to keep me there for the weekend anyway. Dad visited me on Saturday and when he took me home on Sunday we made pancakes for the first time in years. We never talked about it after that, though."

Audrey doesn't know what to say. It's not that she's surprised, exactly. Nathan has a habit of ignoring his body and taking care of it. And his attitude since she's been back has been so... She's not surprised but she wishes she were .

"I didn't really try to... you know, back then, and I haven't since. And me dying to end the Troubles was a whole different issue." 

Audrey's not sure whether Nathan is trying to convince himself or her. Because suddenly all she can think of is Nathan burning himself with a lighter. Stabbing his palm with a toothpick. All those scars in his body she doesn't know the origin of. The way he never stopped wanting to die for this town.

"You don't have to worry about losing me like that. Not anymore. That time was a mistake and it didn't and won't happen again."

Audrey hears the determination in his voice and sees the sincerity in his face. She doesn't really know what to say so she takes hold of his arm again and kisses the scar. 

"Is it better now?" She knows that's a silly question. The physical pain is long gone and the emotional pain can't be fixed with a kiss. Yet Nathan just smiles at her. 

"Much better. See, you do fix me." 

She smiles back at him even though her mind isn't as easily sated. Nathan can see that and hopes to distract her mind with his body. It works, for now.


	4. The Aftermath of Mara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5x7 Nowhere Man

After everything that has happened since the cave, being stuck inside Mara, hell even having Lexie'd memories before that, Audrey can't wait to just be herself. She has her own body, no Mara's memories, hopefully no physical connection. She can just be Audrey. And she knows what she wants to do. Nathan. 

Audrey needs his steadfast presence, his unwavering faith in her. She needs to feel him and know she's real. 

But she is also exhausted, so after a long shower, during which Nathan made them dinner, and after eating Nathan suggests they just go to bed. Audrey really likes the idea. The food really helped her get her energy up. 

Nathan walks her to the bed and she practically tackles Nathan to the bed, kissing him almost desperately and Nathan returning the favor, his hands burying in her hair. Audrey's panting as she sits up, straddling Nathan, in order to take off her shirt. If there is something different in the way Nathan touches her, kisses her, feels her, she doesn't notice, because the way he looks at her is the same. It's what she needs right now.

Nathan just looks up at her, his hands on her sides, looking at every inch of exposed skin. Audrey lets him look for a moment, before she takes his hands off her, stretches over him, kissing him briefly before she takes his shirt off. That reveal something Audrey was hoping to not have to deal with, and Nathan almost lets her ignore it. He pulls her head back to his, kisses her until she's breathless and thrusts his pelvis just right.

Audrey wants to let go, and just make love to Nathan, forget all the horrible shit in their lives, but she can't. She pulls away from Nathan who whines at the loss, and Audrey leans a little over Nathan's body.

He has a new scar, under his left shoulder. Mara shot him there, left him for dead. Could't kill him because Audrey was screaming as loudly as she could inside her, begging her to spare Nathan. _'I will always love you, Parker.'_ That gave her the strength to fight back.

Nathan just lets her touch the scar, kiss it, let her deal with it. The scar must not hurt anymore, at least, because Nathan doesn't react in pain or even in discomfort to the kiss.

Audrey lays down on Nathan's chest and Nathan kisses her her hair before starting to stroke it, "I tried to protect you, but at first she was too strong."

"It's not your fault. You weren't in control, and Mara isn't you. You are Audrey Prudence Parker, and that's it. No one should blame you for Mara's actions." 

Audrey wishes it was that simple. But she remember every gunshot, every hit and ugly word. Not being able to stop Mara, but still experiencing her actions all the same.

"She didn't even hit me anywhere vital. And then you saved me. You're not her."

She looks at Nathan again, *really* looks at him, and sees he means it. "Thank you," is maybe a weird reply to Nathan's sentiment but she doesn't know how else to express everything she feels for this man. This man, who never gives up on her, keeps her together, loves her through everything.

"I love you," Audrey says, while her hand still strokes his new scar almost absentmindedly.

Nathan smiles while tucking her hair behind her ear, "I love you, too." 

Audrey kisses Nathan again, in a way that makes it clear discussion is over for today. Nathan seems very happy to comply. 


End file.
